What YOU need to know about Coffee

Welcome back Read Beard Blog Readers!  I'm Glad your here.  I was lonely...


We at Red Beard Blog inc. are happy to provide you with your monthly amount of awesome!  What keeps us going?  The smooth kick of a caffeinated beverage that has been known and loved for thousands of years.  That's right, Coffee!  I love it like I like my women:  Black and Strong.  (total joke)  

Mug of Coffee

(by the way, if you google mugs, you don't get cups, you get people in jail...)

There are tons of things to learn about coffee, such as how and why you drink it, but this post isn't about the history of coffee.  You can find that here ---> History of COFFEE 
I highly encourage you to check it out before this coffee blog.  


THIS post is about the coffee beans themselves.  Before the freeze dried, crystallized, flavor infused, mega marketed, pre-ground, crappy "coffee-like" products, & mocafrapawhippiachinos there was... the bean. 

Well said, 1940's cartoon women.

Ladies and Gentlemen, there are somethings that you have been lead to believe by "the man", giant mega companies (that know nothing about coffee, just bout makin $$$) and the Iluminati...  


Knowledge is power, &  Power to the people.


This post gives the basics that everyone needs to know about Coffea canephora.So pour yourself hot cuppa Joe and lets get going!

Guatemalan Coffee Plant 

The coffee BEAN, is actually the insides that grow in the center of a cherry-like fruit, or berry.  To be exact, coffee beans are actually dupes, like peaches & coconuts.  


As far as plants go, they are pretty persnickety and only really grow in a certain of the world that suites them.  The climate they grow in is an area of the world called the Coffee belt. 

Coffee Belt, to keep the world's pants on

Elevation, soil, average rain fall, average temp, length of seasons, sunlight, proximity to clowns: all effect where and how coffee is grown.  


Probably the most important thing you should know, is that there are thousands of species, but TWO varieties...

r=Robusta  a=Arabica  m=Muppets, j/k, it means both are grown

Robusta trees tough, hardy and high yeilding, but their beans brew up a cup that's bitter (more acid) and with not much flavor.   It tastes like pencil shavings.  However, it packs a punch.  Robusta has TWICE the amount of caffeine as an Arabica beans.  Because the trees give out WAY more beans come harvest time, they are cheaper to produce.  Mega-Market man knows they are cheaper and average joe American wants to save money.  That combo results in Mega-Market man selling crappy coffee for mucho denaro.  20% of all the beans grown in the world are Robusto. 

Arabica beans are wonderful, to say the least.  Even though the trees only dish out 2 lbs a year, they taste amazing.  The Arabica trees are shy, finicky, Mt. dwellers but have some unique properties.  They are kinda like grapes, in that their flavor can be altered by their environment.  That is why beans from different countries have different flavors and aromas. 

So, lets recap.  Robusta beans don't taste that great, but have more caffeine and are cheaper.  Arabica tastes great, but is harder to produce, therefore costs more.  How does this effect you? Well you drink coffee don't ya?  If you get it from a supermarket and it DOES NOT say 100% Arabica beans, you are drinking mostly Robusta beans.  Whomp whomp! You have a pot of nasty, but highly caffeinated coffee. If it says "Traditional coffee" that usually means its about 20% arabica and 80% robusto.  It's better but still gross.  What you want is 100% Arabica beans.  If it doesn't say that, don't get it.  A Good rule, like don't play ping pong with eggs...


Arabica beans, as discussed, change from region to region.  For instance...

• Kona, from Hawaii, is carefully processed and produces a deliciously rich, aromatic cup of medium body.
• Guatemalan coffee is a medium-to-full bodied coffee, often with a depth and complexity of taste that is almost spicy or chocolatey to the tongue.  
• Colombia are the world's best-known producer of coffee.  An extremely rugged landscape provides the perfect natural environment for the growth of the coffee.  However, the rugged terrain has also made it historically difficult to transport the harvested coffee beans to production and shipment centers.  Even today, this is often done by mule or Jeep. Such care and attention results in consistently good, mild coffees, with a well-balanced acidity.  Colombian Supremo, the highest grade, has a delicate, aromatic sweetness while Excelso Grade might be softer and slightly more acidic.
• Indonesian coffees, grown on islands like Sumatra and Java, are noted for a pronounced rich, full body and mild acidity.
• Yemen coffee has a distinctive taste that is deep, rich and like no other.  Historically, coffee was shipped from the Yemeni port of Mocha was mixed with coffee from the Island of Java for the first historical blend of coffee: Mocha-Java

What does all that mess mean? ^ Don't really worry about it.  If you know what makes a bean taste the way it does, that will help you decide on what to drink next, but it can get complicated.  Experiment, Find what ya like, and drink that.  

The beans, once picked, are left to ripen in the sun. Then the fleshy part is removed, and the beans are sorted and processed.  They are shipped green to their destination.  I leaned this here!


From here the beans get roasted!  The scientific process is called Pyrolysis, or the chemical change resulting from exposure to heat.  The beans will be heated to first crack.  The water inside gets to boiling point then cracks and pops, kinda like popcorn.  From there the master roaster will take frequent samples, from the roaster, looking for a sweet spot where acidity (less roasted), flavor, and body (darker roast) balance out.  After the first crack, the roaster guy will be looking at sound, sight and smell every few seconds, until its time to drop them.  From there the beans are laid on a cooling rack or bin to... well.. cool them.  Future chefs, take note: Roasted beans, like ALL food, will continue to cook from residual heat, even when it is taken off the burner.  


Beans will be roasted from at one of two locations: a large plant (mega-market man), or small micro roaster (specialty coffees).  Now, here, bigger doesn't mean bad.  Some big roasters do a fine job and will have more expert master roasters, it just depends on HOW WELL you want your beans to be roasted.  An expert will tell you that the length and temp of the roast will depend on the bean.  Some beans are better suited for a darker (longer) roast, some shorter.  Here is what I am talking about: 

Most beans are probably suited at a light city to full city.  Anymore than that and you have charcoal.  Gross!


Here is a misconception:  The darker the roast, the MORE caffeine in the bean. NOT TRUE! The amount of Caffeine in the bean is in there, and BURNS OFF the longer it is roasted. If you want more  of a kick, drink a lighter roast, not darker. 

THE BEST way to make your coffee, without a lot of fuss and mess, is CONTROL!  Control the Water temp, coffee to water ratio, grind size, and brew time:


1.  Get your beans WHOLE and store them in a dark, room temp, air tight container.  From roasting, the beans will be giving off TONS of carbon dioxide for the next couple of days.  Its not bad for ya, but can make a goofy roast.  So much CO2 that it will even pop airtight bags and containers.  It used to be that after beans gas out and were shipped they were often stale by consumption. In the 60's a Italian Engineer made an air tight bag with one way valve, so the gas could escape.  That's what we use today, HOWEVER, beware: once you puncture that bag, moisture, light and air will KILL those beans!  Store them in an air tight, room temp (not a fridge), opaque jar or tin. Keep them secret, keep them safe.


2. Grind them as close to brewing as possible.  All herbs, spices, and awesome foods, have oils.  The oils is what makes the awesome.  You want to release them as late as possible, because those freshness enemies (light, air, & moisture) destroy those oils like a Deathstar to Planets.  Would you crack your eggs at the market before going home? You don't need any fancy crazy grinder, just a $20 deal will last ya and do its job.  If your using a plain ole auto drip, grind for about 20-25 seconds.  How many beans? good question...


3. Add 2 tablespoons of fresh grounds to 6 oz of water.  30% of a coffee bean's weight is extractable by water.  2/3 of that extractable weight is magically delicious.  That last 1/3 is gross and bitter.  People say they don't like strong coffee, but what they mean is that they don't like bitter coffee.  More grounds, more flavor, less bitter.


4. NOT boiling hot. Again, using a plain ole auto drip, your at its mercy, but before purchasing, look into this:  The ideal brew temp is between 190-205 degrees.  That is just under boiling.  Once its boiled, take the kettle off the heat, wait till the bubbles stop and your probably good to go.


5. 4-5 minutes!  When you are looking at that coffee pot box in Walmart, also check the brew time.  The brew time we want is between 4-5 minutes.  Now most pots DO NOT brew that fast, and its ok, but that time is the perfect amount for you to get the good stuff out (that first 2/3rds) with out that nasty stuff.


6. Percolators are the devil.  Honestly, they are the WORST way to make coffee.  Constantly pouring the same old water over the same old beans is a recipe for a bitter bitter brew.

Man, im tired...  
I'm at a host home in Illinois, and they have no coffee.


Oh well, before I go, I'll share with you one more story...


Americans love coffee, if you read that other blog, you'll know why.  So when American G.I.s wanted coffee in WWII, it was tough to get by.  Logistics, the moving of supplies and men, was a tough task.  The "non-necessities" were tough to get to the troops.  Bullets came first priority, then food, then medical supplies... you get the picture.  Well local coffee places were weird.  Remember that scene in Saving Private Ryan? He can't figure out how to get that weird espresso machine to work? In France and Italy, the troops wanted coffee, but the locals only had espresso.  (note: its not EXPRESS-o. That is a made up word) Well to give the "Americanos" what they wanted, they just put the espresso in water.  And today, if you get Americano, its espresso and water.

Enjoy your true brew my friends.  What's your favorite coffee beverage?  Whats your favorite place  to get coffee?


Until next time, beard bros and grow gals...